god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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