Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
