I wish I only lived at night.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize