Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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