i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
