just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
