I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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