We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
