So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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