i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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