this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
