I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize