Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want nice things and good sex
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
