At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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