So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
