WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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