I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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