I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
