On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
