i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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