She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
