I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
