Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
