Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
