filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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