i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
