Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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