we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
