is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
