you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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