Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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