This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
