He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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