Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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