Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
