No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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