I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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