pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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