If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
