Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
