dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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