She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
