i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
