i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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