I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
