You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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