I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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