Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
