You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
