im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
