thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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