I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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