Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
