I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
