I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just pee around me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
