Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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