I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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