Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
