I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell her she can't have a vagina
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
