you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
