oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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