So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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