I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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