I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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