I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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