I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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