tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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